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Pale and Jaded Page 1

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Gregor-Lives
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Description

The 1st page of my Round 3 entry. I’ve been trying some new thing to try and put a little more depth into my panels, I’d really appreciate if people could point out what they feel works and what doesn’t. Aside from my sporadic shading >.>

Oo! And especially tell me if you liked how I did the Zuri’s eyes in the close up.

Uh let’s see

Daniel is © of me
His opponent
Zuri is © of :iconmariashade:
Brief Cameos of
Lu © of :iconqlockwork:
And
Rex © of :iconneurometric:

Maria, I apologize for any inaccuracies in my portrayal of Zuri. I hope I don’t have her doing anything too out of character. And for the color of her eyes ([link]) I took a few creative liberties

Yes, Daniel’s ring tone is actually MGMT’s Electric Feel. (Whats that? [link])

And ya… Daniel is a smooth operator… very subtle. >.>

Edit: My opponent Mariashade's entry begins here [link]


Page 1 – you are here
Page 2 - [link]
Image size
648x5706px 737 KB
© 2009 - 2024 Gregor-Lives
Comments9
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Qlockwork's avatar
Qlockwork
Neat! I can't really point out anything that doesn't work. Your comics are like a rough diamond. Only needs to be refined in ways that comes with practice alone. But it's still good.
perhaps ... just perhaps, it could be nice with one or two more panels were we se both Daniel and Zuri in it? Like, the panels when Daniel sayd "Well ... hell-o there" and "Name's daniel". It would have been fine to have one big panel when you see both Daniel and Zuri. A side-shot perhaps.
And ... two extreme close-ups on a row usually isn't a good idea (Zuri's eyes followed by her mouth, perhaps her eyes could have been replaced with a head shot, then you'd be able to show her reaction to Daniel's words better too). However, going from Zuri's mouth to that full-body-view works very well I say.
And the dialouge flows very well together with the paneling. So in overall, a great job!